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The scene where Little John is drowning from Robin Hood: Men in Tights suddenly springs to mind. Come on, this river is only 200 yards wide. Ha.

A man who regularly fishes along the Ohio River quickly became lost early Thursday morning when he was blinded by thick fog.

The fish here are great eatin'

Just after midnight, the fisherman called 911 for help to get back to shore. He was about a mile from the Schmidt Boat Ramp in the East End when he became disoriented and lost his way in the fog.

The man sent flares from his boat into the air, hoping rescue crews would see them.

Police didn’t see the flares, but a man living on a house boat in Dayton, Kentucky did. He came to the deck of his boat and told the fisherman where he was.

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What really surprises me is that the police didn’t steal the Wii during the raid.
With guns drawn and flashlights cutting through darkened rooms, Polk County undercover drug investigators stormed the home of convicted drug dealer Michael Difalco near Lakeland in March.

As investigators searched the home for drugs, some drug task force members found other ways to occupy their time. Within 20 minutes of entering Difalco’s house, some of the investigators found a Wii video bowling game and began bowling frame after frame.

While some detectives hauled out evidence such as flat screen televisions and shotguns, others threw strikes, gutter balls and worked on picking up spares.

A Polk County sheriff’s detective cataloging evidence repeatedly put down her work and picked up a Wii remote to bowl. When she hit two strikes in a row, she raised her arms above her head, jumping and kicking.

While a female detective lifted a nearby couch looking for evidence, another sheriff’s detective focused on pin action.

But detectives with the Polk County Sheriff’s Office, the Auburndale, Lakeland and Winter Haven police departments did not know that a wireless security camera connected to a computer inside Difalco’s home was recording their activity.

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Trying to pork parking meters while yelling at the Chinese is not a way to go through life.

Park it right here

QUOTE:: A DRUNK footballer’s loudly simulated sex with a parking meter has been recounted in Cairns Magistrates’ Court.

He then made racial slur against a passerby – the final straw for police.

Adam Michael Kelly, 25, of Smithfield, spent the night in the watch-house after his offensive performance and was fined $150 in court yesterday for causing a public nuisance.

Police were called to a disturbance at the corner of Shields and Abbott streets on August 31 about 8.40pm and found Kelly dry-humping a parking meter and yelling out: “Yeah baby, you know you want it.”

Police prosecutor Sen-Constable Michelle Long said Kelly was making large pelvic thrust actions and officers saw people walking by reacting with disgust at the performance.

Then, while talking to police, a woman of Asian appearance walked by and in a loud voice Kelly looked at her and said “f—ing gook, f— off home”, Sen-Constable Long said. :: END QUOTE

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Got Pot?

Go figure. Marijuana on High ST.

Maybe this is why they call it High Street. Police confirm the odd-looking plants they pulled last week from a flower basket in Millville’s business district were indeed marijuana. The plants were discovered by a passer-by. Police responded to the scene with a ladder and confiscated the 3-foot-tall plants, which were growing in a basket hanging from a lamp post.

The city’s parks and recreation department, which tends to the baskets, says it has no idea how the pot plants got there.

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If this was my son I would have kicked his butt.

A man who traded his father’s Lincoln for $50 in crack was arrested Wednesday, the Fresno County Sheriff’s Office says.

Deputies went just after 4 a.m. to the 5000 block of South Geneva Avenue, where the 74-year-old man said his 39-year-old son had taken his car.

Deputies were still at the home when the son walked up the street, sheriff’s spokesman Chris Curtice said. They learned that the son had traded the car for drugs near G Street in downtown Fresno. Deputies saw the car near Ventura Avenue and G and tried to pull it over, but the driver ran from the car, which was still rolling. He was caught after a foot chase, but the Lincoln struck two parked cars.

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Police said a cab driver who tried to take a purse from a woman fare beater was beaten by a group who thought they were seeing a robbery. Police said it happened Saturday morning near the Staten Island Ferry Terminal when four woman, who had been club-going, got into a fight with the cab driver over the fare.

Police say the women left the taxi without paying and the cab driver gave chase, grabbing one of the women’s purses.

That’s when a group of men in a passing car thought they were witnessing a mugging and jumped on the cab driver, beating him and then fleeing the scene.

The cab driver was treated for cuts on his face.

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Seriously though, we all know that wal-mart greeters are usually a little too old, or slow, to warrant a smack up.

A Chattanooga detective accused of assaulting an elderly Wal-Mart greeter who asked to see his sales receipt at the store has been suspended from duty.

Police Chief Freeman Cooper told the Chattanooga Times Free Press that following a disciplinary hearing the officer was suspended 28 days without pay for conduct unbecoming an officer, improper procedure and excessive use of force.

The chief said the officer must also be retrained in the department’s use of force policy and take an anger management course.

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I hate to see what they do to people with over due Blu-ray movies.

An Independence woman was arrested on theft charges Thursday for failing to return a library book.

Shelly J. Koontz, 39, was arrested just after 8 p.m. at her residence after a warrant had been issued. She was originally charged with fifth-degree theft for keeping “The Freedom Writers Diary,” which she checked out from the Jesup Public Library in April 2008.

Jesup Police Chief Rick Deitrick said the book was valued at $13.95.

“Theft is theft, no matter what it is,” Deitrick said.

Library employees tried to contact Koontz with four phone calls, three letters and one certified letter, according to a criminal complaint. A Jesup police officer visited her home in September 2008 and informed Koontz’s teenage daughter that Koontz needed to pay for the book or return it.

When the book still hadn’t been returned by Oct. 10, a library official called the police again, wishing to proceed with theft charges.

“That’s about all the library can do,” Deitrick said.

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Take the kid away, and destroy her reproductive organs.

A 24-year-old Brit woman has pleaded guilty for allowing her three-year-old son to smoke.

Kelly Pocock was arrested and charged with cruelty to a child under 16.

Natasha Dudley, 25, a family friend, was astonished to see the child puffing away while his mum was on the phone in the same room.

She said it looked like the youngster had been smoking for “years”.

Worried Dudley used her mobile to film him and showed the video to social workers who alerted cops.

Shocked Judge John Curron said that the case was “appalling”.

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He must have shit his pants.

Shattered

The toilet at Centerville’s Carl’s Jr. restaurant never knew what hit it, but police say it was a slug from a 26-year-old Salt Lake City

man’s .40-caliber handgun. As the man hitched up his pants, the pistol fell from the holster, hit the tile floor and fired — shattering the toilet and sending porcelain into the man’s arm. A woman in an adjacent restroom was frightened and complained of chest pain, but both she and the man were treated at the scene.

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